Hating someone is like drinking poison but waiting for them to die. It’s emotionally toxic and leeches a lot of energy creating nothing but negativity in its place. Learning to forgive liberates you from clinging to this toxic energy. We can’t change the past, and forgiveness does not mean that you now condone what the other person did. Forgiving is for your own sake, not for anyone else.Continuing to harbor negative thoughts and fester in your negative emotions will only invite more of the same into your life. Like attracts like.
The tragedy that I lived through in my early life kept me stuck for a very long time. I experienced all of the five stages of grief, particularly anger and depression. It was as though all of my anger had morphed into hate.
I held onto my hate as if it were a full-time job. I hated the situation that I was in, the people who’d tormented me, the world at large, and most of all, I hated myself. I could pay someone lip service and say that I forgave him or her, but deep down, I was refusing to let go of my hate. Rather than come to a place of acceptance, my ability to heal was stunted. It seemed easier at the time to hate others than to forgive them.
Like a weight being lifted off your shoulders, forgiveness will take away the heaviness of resentment that has most likely infiltrated every aspect of your life, whether you’ve wanted it to or not. The three facilitation techniques I primarily use to help clients come to a place of forgiveness are based in NLP specifically Time Line Therapy TM and Matrix Therapies, Perceptual Positioning, and Conscious Hypnosis, integrating the ancient Hawaiian technique called Ho’Oponopono.
Emotional hygiene is a very effective way to ensure that emotions like hate don’t rage like a blazing wildfire. You may not have heard of it, let alone learnt how to apply it to your life. Yet you’ve created a sequence of emotions, also known as gestalts, which you attach to unconscious memories around intensely emotional events. Everytime you feel a strong emotion, like hate, thereafter the subconscious mind builds out these memories like a string of pearls.
In Time Line Therapy TM or Matrix Therapies, we go back to the very first event, often subconscious, and the client may not even be aware it’s taken place in their life. This enables them to release the negative emotion that is stored in the gestalt, without having to relive a more recent event they might falsely believe is the root of the problem. Often the perceived problem is not what is responsible for the persistent emotion that is unresourceful to them.
When you first feel an unwanted emotion, you are most likely between the ages of one and seven. As a child, you don’t have the right tools to deal with a negative event effectively, so the way you react may be far below the ideal, forming the negative gestalt that is associated with that emotion. The feeling gets stored in the subconscious for the long-term. As you age, you will most likely feel and react poorly to this emotion in the same way you did for the first time as a Child.
Using NLP, I take a client back to the beginning, the very first event, which will cause the problem to disappear. It can astonish people who go through this process to discover they are able to bring forth an event that was stored in their subconscious up until this point in time. With my guidance the client is able to interact with their past self in a safe place and hand over key resources, such as acts of kindness, love, and encouraging words, so their past selves have the new agency to heal from this event. This clears the negative emotion that was stored in the gestalt. The past self might also have some insight, advice, knowledge or
understanding to pass onto the present self. This wisdom of this process is very transformative to the client, which heals years of emotional baggage.
Afterwards they can’t believe how vivid the experience was and how profound their new insights are. Doing this process clears the toxicity and heals the client making it possible for the current problem my client is ruminating over to dissipate. After clearing, the client is now able to experience the emotions from an adult's perspective which now may be a more resourceful and ecological way to feel and react. Time Line Therapy TM and Matrix Therapies can also be used to clear limiting beliefs.
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